I’m not one to make reactionary comments or post my snap thoughts. I like to process everything, take in opinions, and then after a week or two figure out a path forward. So yeah... I really really hate having to write this blog right now. But I told myself I was going to do it weekly, and I’m going to hold myself to that. As I said, I haven’t processed everything about the election. I don’t want to offer up thoughts on what went wrong, who to blame, why we’re here and how to fix it. So I’m just going to write about my past 36 hours and how I’ve felt.

I woke up yesterday after spending a night in a hotel room in Boise, Idaho watching the election results and drinking a half pint of whiskey. By the time the bottle was empty, I was watching Trump’s victory speech.

I went to bed thinking, “This is it. You’re going to have to wake up tomorrow and be a better person than you have ever been in your entire life to help fix this.” But I woke up, and I was still in shock. I didn’t know what to do. I went out to the gym to distract myself. I saw hispanics, women in hijabs, and other women who I couldn’t help but feel so miserable for. I went back to our hotel. I had two phone interviews scheduled to talk about our new single and also a show later in the evening. It just seemed so inappropriate to do anything with or talk about music in that moment. The phone interviews pulled me out of my current state and back into a familiar place for 15 minutes at a time. But reality was certainly still there when I hung up the phone.

We played a brewery gig that night. These are usually pretty laid back affairs that typically involve a dinner crowd and us being slightly more than glorified background music. For these types of gigs we also have to do this thing where we play our one hour set two-three times to fulfill the time we need to play. All I could think during our entire first set was that I’m obligated to be here as my job…but how are all these other people out here eating, drinking, and generally going about life like it was the same as yesterday?

I was pretty jaded for our entire first set. After, I decided I just wasn’t ready to get back on my horse yet and got a beer. I drank half a very strong doppelbock and it helped me open up a bit for the second set. The lyrics to a lot of these songs I’d written over the past couple years all took on a completely different meaning as I was contemplating everything going on in my head. When I introduced our song “Two Steps,” I told the crowd that it was a song about going two steps forward, and on days like today, also 8 steps backwards. It got a few applause from some audience members and it lifted my spirits knowing there were people in the crowd that shared my sentiment. It made performing a whole lot easier.

After the set, the brewery gave us dinner and we just talked about beer for a half hour. They were a good brewery and good people, and it was nice to have this taste of what life was like just the day before. We went back to the hotel well taken care of and watched the new South Park before hitting the sack early for a long drive today.

Normalcy will creep back into our every day lives, especially for me as a straight white male. However, that hasn’t changed anything that happened and I don’t want complacency to take hold. Trump is President. I have so much uncertainty about what that means. I know not everyone who voted for him believes in the xenophobic, homophobic, racist, and misogynistic things he said on the campaign. And there’s certainly a lot of issues for these people that are not being acknowledged in my social media echo chambers. But there’s a lot of groups out there who will feel validated in their negative treatment of black people, muslims, LGBTQ, hispanics, and women while Trump’s in office. I'm scared for a lot of the people I know and love.

For those who share in grieving, hopefully we’ll be over this soon. History isn’t made in the short term or a sprint. We really need to get back to uniting so we can keep the marathon going and fix things for the long term. I love you all and I want to continue helping making this country great.